


Dedicated to Inspiring Creativity!

by theSinTin



Series: Terrible Customers [2]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Crack, Hux needs a vacation, Joann Fabrics, Joann Fabrics au, Kylo Ren and General Hux return to Earth to be terrible customers once again, Kylo Ren loves Halloween, M/M, Yes that's happening again, bathroom blowjobs
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-31
Updated: 2017-12-18
Packaged: 2018-08-28 02:06:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,658
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8426710
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theSinTin/pseuds/theSinTin
Summary: After a mishap with a lightsaber and Phasma's cape, Kylo Ren and General Hux return to Earth once again to make a new cape. Will they be able to make a new cape before Phasma finds out?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Okay hear me out.
> 
> I've been working for this company for 5+ years and have such amount of years of experience dealing with customers of the fabric and craft variety, as well as stories from my coworkers. I have a lot to write about for this, and it will be long. It takes place in September but probably won't finish until December cuz it is holiday rush time.
> 
> This is a sequel to Expect More. Pay Less. But can be read seperately.
> 
> I do not claim any of this to be true of Joann Fabrics, and it's all done in the sense of parody.

Kylo stood in the empty console room, panting behind his mask. His rage was settling now, the smoke of the room being a reminder of the damage he just caused. 

He was fuming. How _dare_ someone on the internet insult his stances in his ‘How to be a Sith Lord’ videos. What did Youtube user _JediofJakku_ know about lightsaber stances? Nothing, they were probably some miserable scavenger on Jakku, wasting away in the sand. As soon as he got a chance, he planned on flying to Jakku and hunting down this sad youtube user. Show them the proper stances, up close and personal.

He took a deep breath, remembering the breathing exercises Snoke told him about once. They never worked, but he still tried. He closed his eyes, taking in a deep breath. Holding it before exhaling. He opened his eyes again to look at exactly what he had done to the room.

Hux was going to be so pissed. But that was true for most things between them. Kylo’s eyes traveled the room, seeing just how many slashes he had made in the consoles. He was silently impressed by the sight: it almost looked like a new record. The smoke was starting to clear; Kylo paused when a certain item caught his eye.

Or rather, what was left of the item.

\-----------

“Hux!” 

Kylo banged on the door of Hux’s quarters. Knowing he could use the override code but this was easier. 

“Hux, we have to go back to Earth, right now!” Kylo shouted before quieting himself. He turned to see a few stormtroopers about to enter the hallway; who saw him before doing a 180 and going back the way they came.

“What?!” Hux spat when he finally opened the door to his quarters, looking to Kylo as if he was insane.

“I fucked up, big time,” Kylo tried to explain in a haste, grabbing Hux’s arm and tugging him out of his room. “We have to go right now!!”

“What did you do this time?” Hux asked, pulling his arm out of Kylo’s grip and dusting it off. 

Kylo looked around the hallway again, before leaning in close to Hux as he spoke. “I destroyed Phasma’s cape.”

“You what?” Hux asked, confused more than anything.

“I...may or may not have destroyed another control panel. Sue me,” Kylo said with a shrug. “But, her cape was in there and now...” Kylo pulled the cape from his robes, unfolding it and holding it up. A massive slash ran through the cape diagonally, the edges singed as they had been burned by a lightsaber. “We have to get fabric to make a new one - immediately, before she notices!”

Hux sighed, looking at the mess that Kylo made. “Dammit Ren,” Hux huffed, closing the door to his quarters and straightening his uniform. “I’m only helping you because I don’t want Phasma coming to me about this. Got it?” Hux saw Kylo nod, looking sad and meek as he held the damaged cape up close to himself. “Let’s go, before she notices.” 

Hux led the way to Kylo’s shuttle, Kylo hot on his heels. Hux hoped that Ren would have a sense of urgency this time, at least. Unlike their last adventure to Earth…

\-------------------

Hux once again found himself in Ren’s command shuttle - same pilot as before, too. The man looked nervous, especially as Ren’s unmasked self stood next to him. Hux sat in his seat, holding his iPhone and playing Panda Pop. 

“Stop there.” Ren pointed for the pilot. “I need to grab supplies there first.”

“Sir…,” the pilot began, “General Hux alerted me that we need to stay on track, due to this being an urgent trip-”

“Stop there,” Ren growled, hand unclipping his lightsaber from his belt - an obvious threat. The pilot took the order, shifting the ship towards the new destination.

Normally, Hux would make a fuss and demand Ren’s explanation. But at this point in his travels with Ren, he knew this detour was going to be for one reason and one reason only.

He was only proven correct when they idled over a McDonalds. Hux stood to look out of a viewport before walking to the front of the ship to join Ren, who was attempting to instruct the pilot on how to squeeze the shuttle through the drive through line.

“Ren, let’s just have him drop us off at the front and I’ll accompany you,” Hux offered, as he would rather not spend 20 minutes holding up the line trying to maneuver a ship way out of the size limit into the drive through.

“I thought you hated Earth food,” Ren complained, but seemed to agree as he instructed the pilot to take them to the front. 

“I probably won’t be getting anything myself,” Hux said, preparing himself for a hopefully ten minute detour. He could only hope they’d grab the food to go, make it to the fabric store, and then head back home to the Finalizer.

\---------

“Welcome to McDonalds, may I take your order?” asked the uncaring teenage cashier at the front of the line. It had taken them already 5 minutes to get through, so Hux could only hope Ren was just in for a snack. 

“Yes, um…” Ren looked up at the menu behind the cashier’s head. “Hux, order what you want and I’ll pay for ya. Just gimme a minute to think.”

Hux sighed, of course Ren hadn’t spent the 5 minutes in line planning his order. Why would he? “All I want is a Southwest Grilled chicken salad and an Iced Tea,” Hux ordered, turning to stare at Ren while he continued to hold up the growing line behind them.

After what seemed like 3 minutes of Ren mumbling “Hmms” and “Umms,” Ren finally spoke. “I’ll take an Oreo McFlurry, an 8 piece McNugget, a Large Fry, and a McGangbang.”

“Ren,” Hux whispered. “Did you just...ask for a gangbang…?”

“Yes?” Ren asked, confused by Hux’s question. 

The cashier didn’t even seem to question it, typing in the order and telling Ren his total. Ren went to swipe the card, hearing the familiar angry beep asking for chip. Hux, once again, had the pleasure of watching Ren struggle to figure out the chip reader.

Hux didn’t correct him this time, and made the cashier instruct Ren. After the food was paid for Hux was given his cup to get his ice tea and went to the dispensers. It was a mess, of course, but he ignored it and got his subpar iced tea and started sipping. Going back to join Ren, who was still waiting for their food. 

“What’s a McGangbang, Ren?” Hux asked, since Ren never answered him.

“Uh,” Ren started, thinking. “It’s like, you order a double cheeseburger and a McChicken. And then you take the chicken patty and put it between the burger patties and eat that. McGangbang from McDicks.”

“Please don’t call it that,” Hux huffed. “And that’s atrocious, it sounds more like a heart attack waiting to happen.”

Ren shrugged. “Better than getting a salad, that’s no more healthy than what I got.”

Hux took a deep breath. _‘Be strong Hux, be strong for Snoke,’_ he mentally chanted to himself before responding. “I’m at least 99% sure, Ren, that a salad is significantly healthier than 8 chicken nuggets, a large fry, and a literal cardiac arrest on a bun.”

Ren just shrugged in response. “If you say so.”

Hux was about to continue his lecture when Ren was given the bags of food by the cashier. He quickly checked the contents of the bags before handing Hux his own. Ren grabbed his McFlurry filled to the top with pieces of oreos before he took his items to sit at a table nearby.

“Um,” Hux started, standing at the side of the table while Ren unpacked his chicken nuggets and started to eat them. “Aren’t we going back to the shuttle?” 

Ren looked up to Hux with confusion. “Uh, no? I want to eat my nuggets before we head out,” Ren answered, before spooning a mouthful of frozen dairy and cookies into his mouth after eating a fried chicken nugget. Hux decided to make no comment on the disgusting combo.

“Aren’t we, you know, in a hurry to fix Phasma’s cape before she finds out?” Hux pointed out, though he sat down to join Ren across the table, taking out his salad. He knew Ren wasn’t going to budge on this.

“Eh, as long as we’re not on the Finalizer when she finds out, we’ll be safe,” Ren said, dipping a nugget in some honey mustard sauce before popping it into his mouth; as if his horrible ice cream chicken combo wasn’t disgusting enough. 

Hux said nothing in response to that, instead looking at the meal Ren was eating. Specifically, at the fries. It’s been awhile since he had an Earth french fry… Ren seemed to notice Hux staring, so he nudged the box of fries closer to the other man. Which Hux took the offer without comment, grabbing a fry and popping it into his mouth. He could already tell his stomach was going to be upset later.

The meal was relatively short for Ren’s standards. Hux finished off his salad and refilled his iced tea while Ren packed up what was left of his meal, which was just the McGangBang and what was left of his McFlurry. The two left together, leaving all the trash on the McDonald's dining room table. 

As they exited the establishment Hux looked up to the sky for their shuttle - but the skies were oddly clear, even free of clouds. Hux turned to Ren to ask him to call the driver, only to see him already half way across the parking lot. 

“Where are you going?” Hux called as he not really ran, but did a quick trot after Ren to catch up.

“Oh.” Ren paused, turning to Hux. “I picked this McDicks because it’s right by our destination,” Ren said as he pointed up to the store he was walking towards.

Jo-Ann Fabrics and Crafts. 

Hux hadn’t been to one of these in years; he vaguely recalled them all closing down on Earth. Or was that Hancock Fabrics? All the fabric stores blurred together over time anyway. Either way, though.

“Ren,” Hux started, walking ahead of him as they approached the front of the store. “We will not be spending our entire day in this store, got it? We have to make it back to the Finalizer in time to make the new cape and deliver it to Phasma unnoticed. I presume you have a sewing machine, right?”

Ren went quiet in response, hands fiddling with the Mcdonalds bag. Hux stopped walking before they entered the store, looking to Ren. “How do you plan to sew this cape without a sewing machine?”

“I was kinda hoping one of the ladies in the store could make it for me,” Ren said sheepishly. “Also, I have a few things I need to pick up while I’m here. But I promise to make it quick.”

Hux rolled his eyes, shrugging as he entered the store officially. The overbearing smell of Cinnamon scented pinecones immediately overwhelmed his senses, making him think of Christmas even though it was just September on Earth. The store itself was decently lit, had its own sort of atmosphere to it that Hux couldn’t quite describe past relating it to other past craft stores he’d been to. 

He looked to Ren - who he had thought was by his side- but found the spot empty. Hux quickly turned to where he correctly assumed Ren would head to first, seeing the man enter the Halloween section of the store. Hux followed, mostly to make sure Ren didn’t start filling a basket over the top with cheap decorations. He saw Ren playing with a skeleton dog on a shelf, but the closer Hux got to seeing the decoration, the more confused he got as the skeleton dog had floppy ears made from bone. Hux was about to comment about that before Ren interrupted. 

“Hux, look!” Ren said enthusiastically as he held up a skeleton cat. “It’s Millicent!”

Hux examined the cat, its back arched in a typical halloween cat fashion. But he couldn’t help be put off by this skeleton as well, considering it had feline ears of bone. “The real Millicent is happy and well at home, Ren,” Hux responded, turning his back to Ren and moving down the aisle. “Now let’s just keep going, we don’t need Halloween decorations.”

Hux left the aisle, turning towards the fabric side of the store. He wasn’t exactly sure what fabric Phasma used for her capes, but he was sure he could find an associate to help them out. Hux turned to make sure Ren was following him, only to see, of course, he wasn’t. In fact, he was nowhere to be seen. 

Of course he lost Ren in a fabric store, why wouldn’t he? Hux decided to do the best thing, trying to find the fabric on his own and hopefully find Ren on the way. He turned to look at the random assortments of fabrics, trying to figure out if there was any organizing system in place. He saw fabrics that looked to be for prom dresses; he figured if there was a black version of the satins it could work. 

Hux stood in the aisle for a few minutes, looking at the fabric neatly organized by color in the aisle. He’d occasionally pull out a bolt, pull the fabric up over the top to undo the draping, check the price, then place it back undraped into an open spot next to where he found it originally. He wasn’t exactly sure what Ren’s budget on this was today, but then again Ren never seemed to care too much about where he blew his money anyway.

Ren should honestly be the one to decide which fabric would be best, Hux decided, leaving the aisle with some fabric touching the floor or bolts neatly set on top of the rest of the fabric. For once, Hux thankfully found Ren immediately. He stood at the end of an aisle, holding up a bolt of fabric to examine it. Hux could just see the edge of the cart sticking out from the aisle; he could already see it was packed full. Oh no…

“Ren,” Hux called, seeing Ren turn and perk up. Pulling the cart from the aisle, Hux’s suspicions were confirmed. It was packed full to the top with Halloween print fabrics. 

“Hux, look!” Ren smiled at Hux. “They have fat black cats all over this print!” 

“Ren, we’re not here to buy Halloween fabric,” Hux reminded him, though he did look at the fabric being presented to him. It was rather cute; the cats were more like blobs of black on the orange print, the only distinguishing factor of them being cats would be the pointed ears and little tails off to the side of them. It’d be cute - if he had a purpose for it. “You’re not getting any of that, put it back.”

“But Huuuuux,” Ren whined, clutching the bolt to his chest. 

“No ‘Buts,’ put it back,” Hux ordered, starting to walk back to where he vaguely remembered seeing the prom fabric. He heard Ren following behind him, but also the sound of the cart. Hux tried his best to ignore the noise, hoping Ren was going to just push it down an aisle somewhere. But as they approached the well lighted Jewelry department, Hux decided to address it. 

“Ren,” Hux called, turning to see him still clutching that same bolt of fabric to his chest with both hands, apparently using the force to drag the rest of the cart with him.

“Hux, please,” Ren whined. “You know how I feel about Halloween…”

“I’m well aware, yes,” Hux replied, not budging. He knew how the overgrown child felt about halloween, of course he had. It was Ren who had organized the last 5 years of “Trick or Treat” events on the Finalizer. Which he knew for a fact Ren was already planning for this year, much to Hux’s pleading that they shouldn’t because of budget. Regardless. “What are you even going to do with all of that? You don’t even have a sewing machine.”

“I’ll figure something out!” Ren whined. He wasn’t going to change his mind on this. 

Hux groaned, pinching the bridge of his nose as he already felt a headache coming on.

“One fabric,” he bargained. “Pick one, leave the rest.” 

He saw Ren smile, at least getting some of what he wanted. Hux decided to busy himself, turning to the jewelry department and examining the strung beads they had on sale. They all looked fairly cheap, but really he wasn’t a jewelry maker so it didn’t matter.

“Just one?” Ren asked after a few minutes of moving the bolts around in his cart. Hux turned to look at Ren, who was currently debating between a bat print with a purple background and a pumpkin print with a black background. 

“Just one, we don’t have all day, need I remind you,” Hux ordered, moving further into the jewelry aisle, Ren following with the cart. “We still have to find the fabric for Phasma, so hurry up.”

Ren groaned, before huffily dumping the fabric bolts he had in his hands back into the cart. He then grabbed one that was near the front of the pile: it was bats on a gray background that almost had a watercolor effect to it. Ren then walked to Hux, leaving the cart in the aisle and childishly dragging his hand through the strung beads as he walked past them, knocking several strands of them to the ground. 

Hux made no comment, just rolling his eyes as Ren walked behind him like a kicked puppy. “Ren, you should be used to how I shop by now, don’t act like I just completely ruined your day.”

“You ruined Halloween, Hux,” Ren whined. “You’re like the grinch of Halloween.”

“You call me the grinch during Christmas too,” Hux corrected. “Now hush your whining and grab an employee; we’re going to need help grabbing a fabric suitable enough for Phasma’s cape.”

Ren whined like a child, clutched the bat fabric bolt to his chest, and walked past Ren to seek out an employee. Hux could only hope that Ren wasn’t going to get lost, like he usually did. But he was going to put his trust in Ren, this time.

He should know better than to do that…


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So it's only been like a year and a half since I initially posted the first chapter lol Sorry for the wait guys! Hope this was worth the weight.
> 
> Keep in mind while reading this that the majority of events that occur have actually happened between the two joann stores I've worked at. Either I experienced it or a coworker did.

A lone employee stood in the fabric aisles, it was no more than ten minutes until the end of her shift. The manager on duty had asked her to put away a basket of fabric before she left, just one basket. She was down to only a few bolts in the cart, and she was cleaning the Casa Collection aisle. It had looked as if some barbarian had run through the aisle and misplaced every possible bolt from its home, not even bothering to return the fabric to the right color. There was black satins and laces in the whites and purples.

But no matter, she was almost done for the day. She could almost taste sweet, sweet freedom. She would go home, relax, and enjoy her day off the next day. 

“Excuse me,” grunted a male voice from behind her. She mentally sighed, she knew she couldn’t get out that easily. 

The employee turned to look at the customer behind her, put on her perfect retail smile before she spoke, “How may I help you?”

The customer stood tall, covered completely in black fabric. The shawl he wore looked like it had gone through a fire and then dragged through mud. He gave an awkward smile, before asking his question. “Okay, so,” started the man “My boy… well he’s not really my boyfriend, we’re kinda like coworkers but we have sex and stuff but he still tries to boss me around outside of the bedroom. And in the bedroom really. Or in the public restroom, wherever I can convince him to have sex.” the customer rambled, holding his chin in thought as he said all of this. “Anyway, so I go to other planets all the time and I think he gets lonely without me. You still following?”

The employee gave a very slow nod, using all her power to not show how very concerned and grossed out she felt.

“I have this thing I bought and it’s called ‘Clone-a-Willy’. It’s basically this kit where you can make a mold from your dick and make a dildo. I think it’d be a great gift to give him for Christmas, so he has something to hold him over until I come back from missions.”

The employee was trying to think of about a thousand reasons to escape. Shift over and has to go? She didn’t think this customer would really understand that and make her help him. Someone calling her on the radio? Could work, but he seemed to already be slowly following her as she tried to inch back in the aisle to escape. She needed to find a good excuse quick.

“Anyway, to make the mold the kit came with a tube you put over your dick before putting the molding crap on. But the tube they provided is too small for my dick. I need help finding something to use instead. Do you have any suggestions?” the man finally asked his question with a smile, looking hopefully at the employee for an answer.

The employee was speechless for a few good seconds. She could not believe that she was being asked this question at her minimum wage job. After the shock of the question passed, she gave it an actual thought. “You could probably use the clear stencil plastic sheets up in quilting notions?” she suggested. “Just make a tube out of it and tape it in place before use.”

“Oh! Can you take me there-” the man asked before he was interrupted.

“Ren, what is taking so long?” asked another tall man behind the first, this one sporting ginger hair. 

“Uh,” the first man blushed, “Sorry Hux, was asking a question to her about something else I’m looking for.”

“Do it on your own time,” Hux hissed, pushing past Ren to speak to the employee. “We require your help finding a suitable fabric to properly replace this,” Hux asked as he pulled a cape that had been draped over Ren’s shoulder off and presented it to the employee. 

The employee looked at the cape. She wasn’t going to go home on time today. “You could use a number of things,” she replied. “Probably satin is best, but we don’t have this exact material on sale here. But maybe even a velvet for the lining…”

“Can you show us?” Hux asked with a huff. 

The employee mentally rolled her eyes. “Right this way,” she instructed as she took the two strange men to the fabrics she had in mind. She could only hope this would be quick…

\-----

“Sir, I must insist, you really shouldn’t use that fabric-” the employee pleaded with the two customers, but it was no use.

“Why not? All fabric is basically the same, and this is the cheapest,” Hux replied back.

“It’s Broadcloth, sir. The fabric you’re trying to make should at least be a satin, they’re not the same-”

“Maker, you’re a terrible employee. If you were one of mine, you’d already be sent to execution.” Hux spat back, throwing the bolt back onto the self sideways.

“Excuse me-”

“You’re dismissed,” Hux spat back, “Come on Ren, let’s look at the Crushed Panne again,” Hux called as he walked away from the employee. Who was left dumbfounded staring at the ginger man in uniform walk away. The first man, the taller one, waved at her as he left, holding a plastic template sheet he had found in the quilting section. 

At least she was finally free to go home.

\---

“I like how this one feels, don’t you agree Ren?” Hux asked as he felt the texture of the black crushed panne in his hands. 

Ren walked over to feel it himself before nodding. “I think Phasma would like it too. Let’s get it.”

Hux nodded before grabbing the bolt, putting it under his arm. “Okay, now we need red for the trim on her cape,” Hux pointed out, looking up at the signs around the store. At least the notions department was clearly labeled, “Follow along, we don’t have all day.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Ren grumbled as he followed Hux. They walked by the cut counter, which had a swarm of people around it and only had two people working it. Hux lead them to the notions aisles quickly, and immediately started poking at the trims on their rolls. Ren watched Hux remove a trim, feel it and unravel it a full yard’s worth, before placing it back on the shelf with the long strand of it still hanging off. He did this with every trim he selected. “I’ll be right back,” Ren mumbled before disappearing.

“Don’t walk off too far,” Hux called back, before he continued to destroy the trim aisle. He was there for at least twenty minutes and had managed to make the once clean aisle look like it hadn’t been cleaned in months, before he finally selected a few for Ren to decide on. Hux left the aisle and walked around the surrounding aisles, not seeing the other man in sight. Hux rolled his eyes, before pulling out his phone and calling the idiot on speed dial.

Ren’s obnoxious ringtone was somewhere close (seriously how could Ren still use the Imperial March as his ringtone), so Hux followed it instead. When Hux finally found Ren, he was sitting cross-legged on the floor. He had pulled half the material off a roll of home decor fabric and was sitting on top of it. He was also squishing something in his hands. “What are you doing?” Hux asked, confused.

“They have classes here,” Ren commented, pointing a finger at the room labeled ‘Classroom’. “They’re doing a sewing class right now, but they kicked me out because apparently you have to pay for them or something. So I went back to the notions aisles and found these,” Ren said as he handed Hux an empty package. They were gel inserts for bras. “They’re squishy.”

“Put that back right now,” Hux lectured, dumping the empty package on Ren’s head. “You don’t need these.”

Ren grumbled something as he stood up, grabbing the packaging and the two gel inserts he had been playing with and left the fabric he had pulled off on the ground. “Who says I don’t?” Ren asked, before promptly dumping the items on a shelf. “Did you find a trim?”

“Yeah, pick from these,” Hux said as he pushed a handbasket full of trims into Ren’s arms. “Let’s grab a number from the cut counter.”

When the two made it back to the cut counter, Ren had selected a trim and had promptly dumped the rest into a random aisle of kids crafts. Hux had to squeeze his way around several old women with baskets full of fabric in order to reach the number dispenser at the counter. He grabbed a number and looked at it, before looking at the number on the display above the counter. They were thirty numbers out.

Whatever, he could just look at the patterns for awhile. Hux dragged Ren with him towards the pattern counter, opening the books and started to browse. Ren seemed to have other ideas, he wandered around the counter and found a dressform set up at the end. Hux watched Ren curiously, seeing the other man hold his hand up and gently cupping the molded breast of the mannequin. Hux then watched Ren start to giggle quietly to himself, before walking back to Hux. Hux said nothing about the entire series of events.

Almost an hour later, they were but five numbers away from being served. Ren had helped Hux pull out about twenty three patterns for him to look at. Hux had wanted to make Millicent some cat outfits for the coming winter months in the Finalizer (she needed a matching Christmas sweater for Hux, after all). Hux was planning on buying them, until he realized that there wasn’t a current pattern sale going on. He told Kylo to put them away for him, so instead Kylo naturally dumped them onto a shelf somewhere in the yarn crafts. 

Impatient, they were the next number, Hux decided to grab their items and stand next to the desk. Once there, he was able to hear what the lady in front of him was making. She was going into great detail about what she called “sex mats” which were just pieces of fabric you could lay out on your bed and “do your freaky dance” as the lady put it, and then collect to clean. 

The employee behind the counter looked as if they were trying to hide their horror from this lady, but Hux actually quite liked that idea. It could be useful since Ren would sometimes show up demanding sex before their next shift and Hux would be forced to wash his sheets out of schedule. 

Hux was considering the idea as their number was called, so he and Ren walked to the counter. Hux held onto the crushed panne and trim while Kylo clutched his halloween fabric for dear life. 

“Hello!” the employee greeted with obvious fake interest. “What are you two making today?”

“A cape,” Ren answered first, grabbing the destroyed cape off his shoulder and promptly dumping it on the counter. “How many yards do we need to make this?”

“Um,” the employee replied. They tried to examine the cape, accidently sticking their arm through the lightsaber’s burn mark several times before managing to measure the article of clothing on the counter. “I’d get at least two and a half yards for this.”

“Okay, I want four of this one then.” Ren replied, removing the fabric from Hux’s arm and dumping it on the counter.

“Four?” the employee asked, making sure that Ren had heard their original measurement first.

“Yeah, I want to make sure I have enough.” Ren supplied. The employee nodded before she started to unroll the fabric on the counter, measuring it out. As the employee tried to straighten the fabric for the cut, Hux started fiddling with the edges to make sure they were straight. Which the employee would then fiddle with them again to make sure they were accurate. Then Hux tried to flatten the creases, the employee fixing his work following.

They repeated these steps a few time before the employee spoke. “I’m sorry sir, I can’t cut if you’re touching the fabric.”

“Oh okay,” Hux replied, before touching the fabric one last time and removed his hands. The employee tried to make the cut quick, but Hux placed his hands on the counter over the fabric to hold it straight for the employee. Normally they were supposed to tell the customer to remove their hands, but this employee apparently stopped caring at that point and finished the cut. 

“How much of this to cover the bottom of the cape?” Ren asked, dumping the trim over the fabric as the employee tried to fold it up.

The employee already seemed exasperated but started to measure the length of the cape again to get the measurement. “Four yards should do it for you,” she answered. Ren asked for six yards instead, which the employee quickly tried to cut for them before they changed their minds.

“And three yards of this,” Kylo said as he dumped the bolt of halloween fabric on the counter.

“He’ll actually only have one yard of that,” Hux cut in, going back to playing on his phone. He was almost done with this level of Panda Pop.

“Hux,” Kylo whined, turning to Hux. “I need-”

“You don’t need three yards of Halloween fabric when you can’t sew, you’re only getting one,” Hux said not even looking up from his phone. Ren simply huffed and confirmed the cut to the employee who stood there awkwardly as they fought. She finished their order up quickly before sending them away.

After they received their items from the cut counter employee, Hux realized he needed to use the restroom after shopping in the store for what felt like two hours. Hux pulled Ren towards the bathrooms, not wanting to lose him in the store again, and pushed him towards the wood letters. “Entertain yourself while I use the bathroom,” Hux said as he turned around and walked towards the men’s restroom, only to realize Kylo was following him in.

“No,” Hux said clearly, putting a hand to Kylo’s chest.

“What?” Kylo asked, seemingly confused.

“We’re not repeating what we did at Target,” Hux told him. 

“Why not?”

“Not in a fabric store, that’s insane.”

“Ugh, fine,” Ren huffed, turning around and going to play with the wooden letters, he seemed to be trying to spell something in them.

Regardless though, Hux turned around to the bathrooms. When he walked to what he had assumed was the men’s bathroom, it turned out to be a family restroom. Confused, Hux turned around to the women’s restroom to make sure he hadn’t missed something. Seeing he was correct, he turned again to the family restroom. This store only had a women’s restroom and a family.

Hux rolled his eyes, not even willing to fight it as he walked into the restroom and locked the door behind him. He could only hope their trip to JoAnn fabrics was almost over.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Clone-a-Willy guy was something else, my dudes. He was a very hot topic at the store for a long time.
> 
> This chapter was beta'd by [@Kylocatastrophe](http://kylocatastrophe.tumblr.com) Thanks for the help man!

**Author's Note:**

> Please submit all anon hate to [@tezzypants](http://tezzypants.tumblr.com/)


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